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When I get really stressed




When I get really stressed, my friends jump in to try to help.


My friend Jens interrupts our video call to show me his two Swiss shepherd dogs, tells me I should get a dog, and keeps sending me photos of his adorable beasts. I know the benefits of having animal company. But I can foresee more travel coming this year, and I don’t want to have to leave a dog alone when I am gone. So, as adorable and helpful as dogs could be, it’s not a good time to get one.

My friend François tells me to do more yoga. I already do my yoga every evening.

My friend Amanda tells me I should write a letter of encouragement and kindness to myself. I journal every morning. I don’t think I need more personal writing.

My friend Barbara tells me she’s sorry, which makes me feel sorry for myself and even worse.

Jonty tells me I should go shopping and treat myself to something nice. Spending time in a mall is definitely not one of my relaxing activities. After moving around the world so much, I’ve become a minimalist who prefers to declutter rather than accumulate “stuff.”

My friend Shanti tells me to spend time in nature. I am already surrounded by nature. But there’s some wisdom in her words. Spending some silent time in nature grounds and relaxes me.

Paul and Santi tell me about their adorable grandchildren. I can see caring for their grandchildren brings them a lot of joy. But grandchildren are not in the plan for me anytime soon.

My friend Ravi tells me to have a glass of wine, French, if possible. Wine is something I enjoy with company and not as an escape from stress (anymore).

Rachael tells me to have some ice cream. I love chocolate but I actually never developed a taste for ice cream.


Only my friend Kate is sometimes able to ask me the question I need to be asked:

“Have you gone for your swim today?”

In other words, have you taken care of yourself? Have you spent time doing something you love?


All my friends do mean well. They do want to help.

But people usually suggest what has worked for them.


Each one of us is unique, and what helps us cope with stress is also unique to us.

We know best what we need when we’re stressed.


When I feel very stressed, what helps me is a very long swim, my phone switched off, or just a few minutes in total silence, doing nothing, not even meditating, or watching my thoughts or my breath, just doing nothing, and eventually finding deep within me a bit of calm, joy and energy to get back to whatever I was doing.


When you’re stressed, you know better than anybody else what you need to recoup.

So, when in need, listen to your heart, not your mind and its rationalizing thoughts, but to your heart for its wisdom.

It will rarely fail you.

And it will help you cope with this difficult pass.

Akesa Health 2025

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